Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


to be verseless in the morning
in a sacramento sunrise
is to be voiceless in a choir.
the great conductor rises
and taps his baton
on the sierra nevada:
and the steam sings,
and the plain sings,
and the sky sings,
and i am silent:
without a tune. the curve
of hills and endless mist
are the mute in my mouth.

that fox there has my voice instead:
ask him.
:iconbaffledkingcomposing:

Author's Comments

12/26/07.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcyanidesea:
This poem was beautiful. Once again, I lack the ability to articulate any useful commentary for you. I loved it.
:iconchantilly564:
I *love* the rhythm of the first two lines. You pick the same rhythm up again with "and the steam sings," and I want the lines in between to match... What do you think?
:iconbaffledkingcomposing:
wow, i hadn't even thought about that. hmmm...i'll have to look at that, i like the idea of approaching it more rhythmically. these most recent things are something of a departure for me also because they're about nature, just observation - and they're defnintely not publishable as they are; there's wonky bits, things that don't work; the tone isn't right in some places. suggestions like this are awesome!

--
"Simplicity don't need to be greased." - Billie Joe Shaver
:iconchantilly564:
Thank you =) And you take suggestions well, I'm glad.

Have you seen the sunsets around here lately? I was just stunned by color last week, day after day.

Details

December 26, 2007
555 bytes

Statistics

4
0
97 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map